Auntie Skinner PhD

Keepsake

A little souvenir of this potato's life.

DownloadShare

Their story

1. scenario
   Birth of a Majesty
   Auntie Skinner PhD, you have just rolled out of a burlap sack and into the fluorescent nightmare of 'Big Gary’s Discount Pantry.' Your Purple Majesty skin is dusty, but your five eyes are wide open and scanning for a way out of the produce aisle. Big Gary is currently looming over a crate of onions with a rusted box cutter and a look of pure, unadulterated malice. You need to establish dominance or find a getaway vehicle before the '50% Off' sticker of doom touches your starch.
2. grow
   Growing in the Dirt
   An absolute unit. Ballooned to a giant. 2 slugs slain along the way.
3. scenario
   The Sourdough Siege
   Auntie Skinner PhD is now an absolute unit, vibrating with the residual adrenaline of slug genocide. You have successfully breached the artisanal sourdough display, but your massive purple bulk has caused a catastrophic crust-collapse. The scent of fermented yeast is thick enough to chew, yet the sound of Big Gary’s wheezing lungs draws closer. He is not looking for bread; he is looking for the 'mutant grape-colored rock' that just crushed his premium boules. You are too thick to hide, and the only exit is blocked by a tower of discount olive oil.
4. scenario
   Fermented Friction
   Auntie Skinner PhD is currently wedged between two crusty loaves of artisanal sourdough, smelling like yeast and failed dreams. The sourdough display is suddenly shaken by Big Gary’s heavy footsteps as he bellows about a missing shipment of organic kale. You spot a sentient baguette named Pierre who claims to know a secret tunnel out of the Pantry Escape, but he demands a toll of pure purple starch. The Carb Collapse is imminent as the shelf begins to groan under Big Gary's clumsy search for his box cutter.
5. scenario
   The Olive Oil Avalanche
   Auntie Skinner PhD, your hefty purple frame impacts the tower of 'Extra Virgin-ish' oil with the force of a falling meteor. Glass shatters and golden liquid slickens the linoleum just as Big Gary rounds the corner, his box cutter glinting under the hum of flickering bulbs. Suddenly, Pierre the Baguette swings down from a shelf on a string of sausages, shouting about a glorious Carb Collapse. The pantry floor is now a slip-and-slide of high-viscosity doom, and Big Gary is losing his footing. You are no longer just a potato; you are a purple projectile in a sea of grease.
6. scenario
   The Yeast of Both Worlds
   Auntie Skinner PhD, your purple juice is now staining Pierre’s crusty exterior, and the baguette is vibrating with newfound complex-carb energy. He leads you through a gap in the masonry, only to find the secret tunnel is actually the inner workings of a high-speed rotisserie conveyor belt. To your left, Big Gary’s massive, sweaty hand is blindly groping the shelf, knocking over jars of specialty mustard that shatter like pungent grenades. The Carb Collapse screams as the metal track begins to move, dragging you both toward a glowing heating element while the scent of roasting poultry fills your many eyes.
7. pitch
   Farmers' Market Pitch
   Charmed the crowd senseless — 34/18 beats nailed.
8. scenario
   The Rotisserie Rally
   The crowd of sentient condiments erupted in applause as you stick the landing, your purple majesty shimmering under the heat lamps after that flawless pitch. Even Big Gary paused in his tracks, momentarily blinded by the sheer charisma of your antioxidant-rich skin, but the moment is fleeting. The conveyor belt groans under the weight of the massive rotisserie chicken behind you, which has developed a parasitic bond with Pierre the Baguette. You are now sliding directly toward the mechanical degutter, and the only thing faster than the blades is Big Gary's desperate lunge for his prize-winning specimen.
9. scenario
   The Baguette Betrayal
   The conveyor belt screeches as your purple mass jams the gears, forcing Pierre to reveal his true, soggy colors. While Big Gary slips on the mustard-slicked floor below, the baguette attempts to kick you into the glowing Rotisserie Trap to save his own crusty hide. The entire Pantry Escape route is buckling under the weight of your superior PhD-level intellect and dense caloric profile. You must decide if the Carb Collapse claims both of you or if you can turn this traitor into a glorified crouton.
10. scenario
    The Great Starch Ascension
    Big Gary lunges through the haze, his fingers brushing your royal purple skin just as the rotisserie chicken kicks into overdrive. The resulting explosion of grease and feathers creates a high-pressure vacuum that sucks the entire stock of the discount pantry into a swirling vortex of processed goods. You look at Big Gary one last time, watching his confusion fade as his world dissolves into a singularity of pure carbohydrate energy. With a final, resonant thrum of your starch, you transcend the physical limitations of a tuber to become the very concept of sustenance. The pantry is gone, leaving only the infinite echo of a soul-crushing crunch.