Keepsakes are reserved for potatoes that survive. Better luck next spud.
Their story
scenario
Unwitting Birth in Aisle 4
Karen McMash Esq. awakens in a damp burlap sack, blinking three of her five eyes at the fluorescent hum of a Super-Mart. The air smells of floor wax and the looming threat of a 2-for-1 discount. A toddler named Timmy is currently poking the sack with a sticky finger, debating which starch-based lifeform to hold hostage. You sense a higher calling than being boiled, provided you can escape the mesh prison before the checkout line.
scenario
Kitchen Counter Crisis
The tubby giant known as Toddler Timmy has dragged your dusty cardboard box to the edge of the granite abyss. Below you lies the gleaming chrome jaws of The Maw, a disposal unit that has claimed many starch-filled cousins before you. You must secure a legendary artifact to survive: the Rubber Band of Tension. If you can hook yourself to the fruit bowl, you might just avoid being reduced to soggy pulp.
sprout
Sprouting Eyes
A visionary spud. Sprouted 21 eyes and sees all.
scenario
Glued to the Ceiling
The sheer force of sprouting twenty-one sentient eyes has launched you upward like a starch-based rocket, your new optical sensors dizzy from the sudden vacuum of the upper kitchen atmosphere. You are currently suctioned to a cold, white surface—the underside of the hanging microwave—staring directly down into the abyss. The Rubber Band of Tension is vibrating wildly as it holds your weight, but a new challenger emerges from the shadows of the breakfast nook: Sir Whisker-Licking-ton, the ginger tabby. The cat’s pupils dilate as he prepares to bat your dangling form right back toward the grinding metal teeth of The Maw.
scenario
A Cat Most Foul
The Maw gurgled in appreciation of your sacrifice, but the vibration has summoned Sir Whisker-Licking-ton, the house predator with a penchant for organic round objects. Karen McMash Esq. feels the Rubber Band of Tension snap taut against a banana stem as the feline bats her toward the ledge. Timmy watches with devious glee while the cat’s sandpaper tongue prepares for a taste test. You are currently suspended over the abyss by a single, thin strand of latex and a prayer to the Spud-God.
scenario
The Feline Steed
Sir Whisker-Licking-ton is no longer an apex predator but a furry taxi, his mind clouded by the rhythmic blinking of your twenty-one ocular nodes. You have successfully latched onto his collar using the Rubber Band of Tension, turning the ginger beast into a living vehicle. However, the peace is shattered as Toddler Timmy charges into the room wielding a plastic spatula and a thirst for grocery-store justice. The toddler's sticky grip closes around the cat's tail, pulling both of you toward the vibrating edge of The Maw, which has begun to whistle a hungry, metallic tune.
scenario
Collateral Damage in Aisle One
Karen McMash Esq. clings to the silver tag of Sir Whisker-Licking-ton as the beast panics, sprinting out the open kitchen door and straight back into the chaotic aisles of the Super-Mart. The Rubber Band of Tension snaps, whipping around the cat's neck and yanking you into a high-speed collision course with Toddler Timmy's shins. The toddler screams in sticky-handed delight as he chases your feline mount past a pyramid of canned beans. You can see through your twenty-one eyes that The Maw has not been left behind; the store's industrial floor scrubber is humming nearby, smelling suspiciously of mechanical hunger.
scenario
The compost speaks
Karen McMash Esq. pauses. The narrator seems distracted (Unexpected token '+', ..." "luck": +2
},
"... is not valid JSON). A rumbling comes from the dirt.
mash
Mash Resistance
Held the masher off with sheer starchy will. Legendary.